It seems that's all I ever do lately.
This coughing spell that I'm under has me feeling both releived and hopeful for the future. It's rather frequent and its easy to find a reason to sum it all up. However, my illness isn't that simple. As a life long smoker, I've made some poor decisions regarding my health. As far as keeping up with it in the here and now, I've done a terrible job. Fortunately, the responsibility does not lay solely with me. All these years the universe has kept me going. Rebalancing what is out of balance. Now I'm stuck with a health issue and I'm left fighting for my life and coughing non stop as I try to reverse some of the damage that's been done. That's the thing about smoking. It's fine while you are doing it, but what about after? In my life, I didn't see an after, I didn't really think I'd make it that far and if I did, I didn't ever for the life of me imagine that I'd have problems that are still present. I mean, time right? Heals all wounds? Well, as a mortal being, time is something I don't have.
I do regret smoking so much and so frequently. More so, I regret pushing all the boundries like I did and causing undue stress. Now I got some strange lung issue that feels, well, strange to say the least.